This week we will look at the final strand of our three-cord legacy.
Having already examined the spiritual strand and the emotional strand of our cord, this week we will investigate the social strand.
The Social Strand
The social strand is that part of your legacy that bestows upon your grandchildren the insight and strong social skills for cultivating healthy, stable relationships.
Of the three strands, this is perhaps the most difficult one to grasp. Building a strong social strand is a unique challenge due to the complexity of our social nature which is a mixture of what we do and who we are. Some of the complexity comes from the many variables that exist within family relationships. The remainder stems from relationships outside the family.
Building the Legacy
Clearly, a strong social strand is a precious gift to our grandchildren. And this strand’s strength depends, as do the other two strands, on our teaching and modeling.
Teaching
Psalm 78:1-8 gives us some insight into the importance of teaching. In this passage, the meaning of the Hebrew word, teach, is to instruct or guide. The word, guide, indicates that there is a goal to our teaching.
The goal is to help our grandchildren learn to love Jesus with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength; to grow spiritually; and walk with the Lord all their days. We do this by teaching God’s instructions: His words, His commands, and how one can live in obedience to Him. And a big part of this is learning to relate well to others. God calls us to live in community. Relating well is vital to this calling.
Modeling
Studies show that grandparents have more influence on the lives of their grandchildren than they might think. When teenagers were asked who they admired most – other than a parent – the most mentioned person was a grandparent. Contrary to what we might expect, it was not a peer, not a coach, not a sports’ personality, not a teacher, and not a pastor. Strange as it may strike us, it turns out that after parents, grandparents are the greatest potential influence in the life of a child.
Therefore, not only must we teach the social graces to our grandchildren, but we must also model strong relationships for them. While there are many foundational building blocks to a firm social strand, make sure you include the following in your modeling.
- Respect
Respect goes hand in hand with honor. To honor someone means to “give them weight.” Honor is usually bestowed based on position, status, wealth, or character and is shown by our respect. Respect is a way of thinking about someone. It is manifested in the way we treat others publicly.
Model this vital building block for your grandchildren by doing such things as looking others in the eye, putting the phone down in their presence, saying thank you to someone who has invested in you, or sitting beside someone who is sitting alone.
- Responsibility
What synonyms come to your mind when you think about the word, responsibility? Did you come up with capable, dependable, or reliable? How about honest or trustworthy? A responsible person can be counted on to think rationally and complete tasks.
Respect leads to and fosters responsibility. We can impart responsibility to our grandchildren by teaching them respect for themselves and by assigning them duties. These responsibilities will provide your grandchildren with an opportunity to show themselves their value and fill a key role within the family.
Model the characteristic of responsibility for your grandchildren by performing assigned tasks to the best of your ability, being faithful to your own responsibilities, keeping your word, and completing tasks even when it would be more convenient not to.
- Love and Acceptance
Love is giving to others with no personal agenda or motive. Another word for acceptance is approval. Our Heavenly Father, of course, provides us with the perfect example of love and acceptance for His children. He demonstrates unconditional love by providing salvation (Romans 5:8). He also demonstrates conditional acceptance by disciplining sinful behavior (Hebrews 12:6).
Similarly, in our relationship with our grandchildren, we must balance unconditional love with conditional acceptance of behavior. We should expect our grandchildren to obey because it is right. When they choose to disobey, we should not hold them back from the natural consequences of their wrongful behavior. Consistent demonstration of both will convey to your grandchildren that you love them too much to let them do whatever they want.
- Boundaries
Setting boundaries is not merely helpful for a strong relationship; it is essential for the welfare of our grandchildren. Social boundaries should include how our grandchildren should relate to God, authority, their siblings, peers, and the environment. Of course, our grandchildren’s parents, who are the primary authority, have the main task of setting boundaries. But it is our job to come alongside them in support. Providing clear social boundaries gives our grandchildren a protective, side-rail allowing them to enjoy their life-journey rather than fear every threatening, dangerous curve.
A Strong Social Legacy
As we’ve done for each previous strand of the three-cord heritage, let’s wrap up our look at the social strand with a few helpful ideas for how you can more effectively work to build it.
- Consistently, faithfully, and intentionally walk alongside your adult children in reinforcing the social boundaries they have set for your grandchildren.
- As is appropriate to your relationship and the situation, set clear boundaries on how your grandchildren treat others.
- Remembering that we are all image bearers of God, teach and model respect for all people.
- Instill a sense of responsibility for the feelings and property of others.
- Balance unconditional love for your grandchild with conditional acceptance of their behavior.
- Enforce rules in the context of a loving relationship.
- Teach and model clear and sensitive communication skills.
One heritage, three strands – spiritual, emotional, social. Is there one that may need shoring up?
