There is something truly special about the grandparent and grandchild relationship, and it should be. It is sweet, joy-filled, and unlike anything we have ever experienced before. Grandchildren seem to slip right into our hearts and take up permanent residence. But as wonderful as this relationship is, it is also one we need to handle with care. God has a beautiful design for generations, and it works best when we honor the whole picture.
Deuteronomy 6 is one of those familiar passages many of us associate with parenting and grandparenting. You know it well. God lays out His commands and His desire that His people love Him wholeheartedly and pass that love on through generations. But did you ever pause over verse two? Right there, tucked into the text, are these words: “you and your son and your son’s son.”
Did you catch that?
God’s design is clearly multi-generational. His commands, His truth, and His ways are meant to be passed from parents to children and from children to grandchildren. We are called to make disciples of our children and our grandchildren. But here is the tension we sometimes miss. We cannot faithfully live out that calling if we pour all our time, energy, and attention into our grandchildren while unintentionally neglecting our adult children.
So, if we find ourselves off balance, where do we begin?
Ways to Be Present with Our Adult Children
Make It a Priority
Being present with your adult children does not usually happen by accident. It happens because you decide it matters and then arrange your life around that decision.
That may mean rearranging your schedule and letting some things wait. Not everything on your to-do list is urgent or unmovable. The house can stay dusty, the errand can be postponed, and a work task might be shifted if it means sharing a meal or an evening of conversation with your adult child.
It also means being intentional. Put time together on the calendar just as you would any other commitment. Pick up the phone and ask, “Would you like to get together?” If one day does not work, suggest another. Everyone is busy, but busy does not have to mean disconnected.
Resist the urge to make excuses or assume your adult children are too busy for you. Being present starts with a choice. Make your adult children a priority and let your schedule reflect it.
Be Available
Sit down with your adult children and tell them plainly that they matter and that you are available. Say it face-to-face if you can. Then back it up with your actions. Often, their requests will come in practical forms, a ride to practice, babysitting, help when something breaks, or support during a stressful season. Invite those interruptions. Show up. Help. Listen.
Be Askable
First, set the stage by welcoming their questions. Let your adult children know you want to be someone they can call when they need help or wisdom. Then, when they do ask, listen well. Remember, you are their consultant, not their commander. Offer advice only when it is requested and do so without judgment.
Ask
Asking questions communicates care. Learn the art of asking thoughtful, genuine questions, not as an interrogator, but as someone who truly wants to understand. And ask regularly how you can pray for them. Few things communicate love more clearly than faithful prayer.
Initiate
Healthy relationships require initiative. Create simple rhythms, like a regular dinner or monthly get-together, that give your relationship a steady place to grow.
Call, text, or FaceTime your adult children regularly, with no agenda attached. Just connect. If they cannot talk long, do not be discouraged. Be grateful for whatever time they can give. And resist the temptation to keep score on who initiates more often.
Walk With Them
Learn how to walk alongside your adult children as they live their lives. Show genuine interest in both the big milestones and the everyday moments. Be present when you are invited, and supportive when they are leading.
Our work with our children is never finished. It simply changes as seasons change. And it goes hand in hand with our work with our grandchildren.
We are not only called to disciple the next generation. We are called to disciple the disciple-makers.
